Your wife or girlfriend is gambling. What to do tonight.

You may have just found out, or you may have known for a while. Either way, tonight you do not need a plan for the whole relationship. You need a plan for tonight.

What does not help tonight

• Checking her phone or accounts at 2am. You will learn something painful and gain nothing.
• Demanding that she promise to stop. A promise made under pressure is the easiest one to break.
• Paying off what you find before you understand the size of it.

What helps tonight

• Say one calm sentence. "I love you and I'm worried about the gambling. Can we talk tomorrow when we're both rested?"
• Protect the shared money. Ask your bank how to require two signatures or set limits on shared accounts. This is protection, not punishment.
• Offer one concrete step. Self exclusion from the books she uses is something she can do in one evening.

For you, not her

You are allowed to have support too. Many helplines take calls from family members, not just the person gambling.

The one thing to send

If she is willing, send her this page, with no note: How to stop betting tonight.